Happiness

If I came there
Would you see me
Or would you hide in your city
From me

Like you didn’t know me
Like you never loved me
Like you never held me
Like you don’t know my body

You make me feel
Like I should regret some things
Before I just go on

And live my life
Like I could be happy
Though I don’t and I won’t
Get to hold you.

So go on
Tell all your friends about me
Tell them the story how
I put the words in your mouth

When you said you loved me
When you were thinking of me
When you told me all those things
You’d never told nobody

But you make me feel
Like I’ll regret everything
If I just go on

And never hold you
Never kiss you
Never make you come
To see

That we could be happy
Oh so happy
You and me

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Don’t you miss me in between your legs
And inside your head
I found a place where we can stay together always
I know that that’s not what you wanted from me
But I’m pretty certain that it should be

Did you see the end
Or tire of my company
And introduce some distance just so you could keep me kept
At arm’s length until you need me next
Well I’m pretty sure you’re fucked in the head.

When the storm came I was high again
I am always smoking when I’m thinking of you
Drifting on a higher plane
Just to feel like I’m with you again
Well I’m pretty sure that you miss the rain

Cuddled up with me
Listen close to hear the oceans in my veins
And later we’ll walk down to the sea
Stealing drinks and spilling them on me
Well don’t pretend you don’t miss me.

All these
Mistakes
Were not mine
But yours

The way
That you loved me
Showed me
Your flaws.

Little Fighters

I thought I caught you moving
Into the light, something you said
Went straight to my head

Before I was bruising
I took the steps down to the coast
Just so we could be close
Tell me, will you be my girl?

Lit up like a lighter
There in her notes, without any clothes
On the days she knows

And I knew you were a fighter
But I didn’t know how much you could hold
Till you held me close
Tell me, will you be my girl?

Because I feel so much lighter
When you’re here
In my arms
And I feel so much lighter
When I’m keeping you
From harm
Tell me, will you be my girl?

Because I don’t want to be alone again
No I don’t want to be alone again
I want you.

Little
Fighters
Know best

To stay by the Sea

Little
Fighters
Know best

To stay from the trees

Tell me, will you be my girl?

Archaeology, Part 1

When I was small, I wanted to be an archaeologist.

That’s a lie; I wanted to be Indiana Jones. I’d recently recovered from my fascination with Peter Pan - the boy who never grows up - and was desperate to be a rugged man living a life full of adventure and relics and dusty caves hiding unimaginable treasure. This is similar to the way many future architects find their appetite for the built form whetted by Kevin McCloud and his Grand Designs - which I also went on to do - in that the media provides an idealised version of the profession and skips the boring tasks, the mundane projects and the reality of the daily grind. The most honest portrayals of archaeology in the media, it became clear, were the scenes in Time Team where Tony Robinson wordlessly pleaded Phil Harding to drag the tiniest scrap of something from a knee-deep hole dug in the middle of a sad English field.

But more recently, I read a rather more romantic definition of archaeology that I quite enjoyed. It suggested that archaeology is the practice of digging up the past and putting it on display, so that we might begin to understand what exactly went on. This may seem quite obvious, but for me shifted the focus away from the act of digging up (and the dramatic running from booby traps that might entail), to the purpose of understanding.

I read this at a time when I was doing just that for my personal history; reassessing and re-contextualising older and older memories to identify patterns, triggers and origins. As I was making leaps and bounds in all aspects of my life, I strove to contemplate where I had come from to avoid tripping over - as I had done before - in my haste.

As I’ve mentioned previously, when I started my current job in March 2013, I decided to treat myself with my first two pay cheques (treat myself in a large, Christmas gift sort of way, only conceptually different to the usual treat-graze that manifests as an influx of wine) to a microphone and headphones. Never one to stagnate, I decided to find my feet with something completely experimental and fresh, and make quite a pointed statement about how this next ‘stage’ in my musical ‘career’ would differ from any previous period by re-imagining The Foal, an album by my alpha mater band ZIGO, as MANE.

Receiving mass critical acclaim though it did, MANE felt like a slightly dishonest set of first steps as a ‘solo’ musician. Old songs filled the coffers, some dating back to my very first strums of a six-string, and they still filled my live sets. I had tried to record them several times to no avail, with demos cluttering various corners of the internet and my hard drive. I felt the need to go from MANE straight into my biggest, boldest musical ideas, but I realised the parallels between this recording process and the process that was happening in my memory and consciousness. I realised that to truly take the steps I want to take with my own style, these songs that marked the path of my musical youth needed to be packaged up and released, so that I might gain a better understanding of where I’d come from. I needed to dig up my past and put it on display, so that I might grasp what has passed all the more clearly. Hence, Archaeology. 

Why the ominous Part 1? I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I flip through the old photo albums.

You can download Archaeology for absolutely free here, and it comes with a tasty artwork & lyric booklet.

Thanks.

T